Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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