dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.