did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
