What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
