The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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