I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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