Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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