My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
