so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
