Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
