Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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