um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
