Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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