i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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