How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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