whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's get the cat blown out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
