I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
