Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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