Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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