John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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