There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
