Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
