Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
