I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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