And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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