I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
