I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
