so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
