I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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