Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
