My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
