Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
