Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
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