if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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