Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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