Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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