loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
