I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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