When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
