your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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