Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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