i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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