"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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