The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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