matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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