i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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