I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
