I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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