she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wear drunk well.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
