It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
