Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
