Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
