I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
