Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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