my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
