the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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