mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
