Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
