i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
