what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
