Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
