ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
