My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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