dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
