her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
