Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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