Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
