worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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