a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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