i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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