So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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