I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
